“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Hebrews 10:24-25
This post might be a bit controversial and different from my usual posts, but I feel the need to voice my opinion about this issue directly and openly. This has been an issue for me for a while, but I did not have the right words to voice it properly until recently. Like most things, change cannot occur until there is an open dialogue in which everyone can contribute and learn from each other.
Table of Contents:
My Own Depression
When I work up the courage to tell people I suffer from depression, something that has run in my family for many generations, I often get many different kinds of reactions and responses. The one that always drives me batty is when someone says, “Oh yeah! I had depression for like six months after I broke up with my boyfriend. Then I eventually got over it”, or something like that.
This might sound like a harmless, if not a bit flippant, statement of someone trying to relate to someone else, but it can be much more to the person on the other side of this conversation.
Not Just Being Sad
Clinical, diagnosable depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, just like anxiety disorders, ADHD, OCD, and others I am not very familiar with. It is something that people who have it have to wrestle with for their whole lives. Some use various kinds of medication; some use counseling, others just muscle through it all independently (which is a method I do not recommend AT ALL).
When depression is dismissed as just a “phase,” a “midlife crisis,” or a “rut,” it invalidates just how serious depression is for those who struggle with it in their daily lives. I try not to use the word “depressed” in everyday conversation because the more the word is casually thrown around, the less meaning the professional diagnosis holds to people. I am generally not one for policing words and terminology, as this often offends people instead of fostering awareness, but this word is one of my exceptions.
Relating to Those With Depression
Think of it like this:
If someone breaks their legs, and they are confiding in someone about how moving at all is very painful, and their friend replies, “Oh, I know, sometimes I get bad leg cramps.” Feels a bit odd to compare, right? It is similar for people who struggle with depression who have their struggles compared to things that are not really comparable.
This is not to say that all people with depression take offense to this word being used without a thought in a casual context. I just know that sometimes, having something minimized or misunderstood is worse than not being acknowledged at all.
Often, people do not mean to minimize others’ struggles with depression. Most people minimize something because they are either intimidated by it or do not understand it. Raising awareness about clinical depression can eliminate this ignorance and reduce the likelihood of people struggling with depression feeling as if their battles are being minimized and waved off.
What Comes Next
Sometimes, the best thing you can do in a situation where you do not entirely understand something is to respectfully ask questions instead of trying to draw misinformed comparisons from your own life and experiences. As humans, we want to try to relate to one another and find commonalities. We like telling people through conversations, “You are not alone!”. But in this case, it is better to express that you are there for someone than to try equating your personal experiences with theirs.
Having someone say, “I do not completely understand what you are going through, but I am here for you,” is one of the best possible things that someone with depression can hear from others.
Do not feel discouraged by what I have said here. Just because you have perhaps done something like what I mentioned in this post does not mean that you are a bad friend. On the contrary, it shows that you care. Interacting with others is not an exact science, especially considering interacting with others who struggle with a mental disorder of any kind.
The fact that you are making mistakes means that you are trying, and trying is the most important part.
Please like, comment, and subscribe if you connected with my post and if you would like to see more of my crazy, exciting journey through life with Christ while experiencing mental illness. Every interaction I receive here means the world to me. Thank you, and God bless you!
Until next time!